Document Title:Fun Computer Puns
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Humor Rating:This is pretty funny stuff


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What do miniskirts and hard drives have in common ?
Access time.

A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.

The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood
that you are standing in the wrong line.

Any given program will expand to fill available memory.

Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.

Death is a nonmaskable interrupt.

Emacs is a nice operating system, but I prefer UNIX. - Tom Christiansen

Every program in development at MIT expands until it can read mail.

f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.

I bet the human brain is a kludge. - Marvin Minsky

I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.

I smell a wumpus.

If a program is useful, it must be changed.

If a program is useless, it must be documented.

If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?

If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.

If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.

If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.

Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.

Long computations that yield zero are probably all for naught.

Machine-independent: Does not run on any existing machine.

MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.

Never trust a computer you can't lift. - Stan Masor

Old mail has arrived.

Old programmers never die; they just branch to a new address.

Overflow on /dev/null; please empty the bit bucket.

Portable: Survives system reboot.

Real programs don't eat cache.

Supercomputer: Turns CPU-bound problem into I/O-bound problem. - Ken Batcher

System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.

The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.

The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out.

Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before.

You have junk mail.

You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.

Your fault (core dumped).

[Unix] is not necessarily evil, like OS/2. - Peter Norton

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. - Brook

An algorithm must be seen to be believed. - D. E. Knuth

Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.

Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet, just avoid Fortran).

Avoid unnecessary branches.

Every bug you find is the last one.

If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.

Make it right before you make it faster.

Make sure all variables are initialized before use.

Make sure comments and code agree.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle. - Steinbach

Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function.

The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected. (6/72)

There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad
program.

Watch out for off-by-one errors.

When we write programs that "learn", it turns out we do and they don't.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried
it. - Donald Knuth

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.

Honey, I Formatted the Kid!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?

Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once...

Managing programmers is like herding cats.

ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.

"Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye, Captain... 300 DPI?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what
they want."

LSD: virtual reality without the expensive hardware.

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.

It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!

RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!

This time it will surely run.

I just found the last bug.

It's redundant! It's redundant! -R. E. Dundant

The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'. -Weinberg, p.152

"#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb)) - Shakespeare."

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

WOMAN.ZIP: Great Shareware, but be careful of viruses...

AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous

CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today

"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER

My Go this amn keyboar oesn't have any 's.

My computer NEVER cras

To define recursion, we must first define recursion.

Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence...

>From the Data General S200 Fortran error code list -
"ERROR 155 - You can't do that."

SunOS 4.1.3 partitioning software :
"'help' unexpected"

Black Holes are where God is dividing by zero

Microsoft spel chekar vor sail, worgs grate !!
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